Ask Me Anything
I love questions. Any topic: writing, entrepreneurship, communication, relationships, sex, hairstyling products, travel destinations… bring it on!
Every now and then, I choose a couple questions from my inbox, and I post my answers on this page. Some answers are short. Others are not. I hope you enjoy this little Q&A corner… and if you have a random, peculiar, sensitive, or borderline inappropriate question for me, feel free to send it over.
ANSWER: We met on OKCupid, an online dating site. Initially, I thought his photo was drop-dead gorgeous / handsome / smokin’ / OMG whoa. Then I read his profile. He mentioned that he’s a chef and he likes to ride motorcycles. What?!! I was smitten instantly. Happily, the feeling was mutual! After our first date, that was it. We’ve been together ever since.
When I met Brandon, I was at a point in my life where I thought to myself, “You know what? I’m not going to ‘play it cool’ or pretend like I’m ‘OK’ with just casual dating. Because I’m not. I want something deep and serious. I want to meet a lifelong partner. I want true love.”
A smart woman once told me that “words are like magnets: whatever you say you want, that’s what you’re going to get.” So, on my dating profile, I decided to be crystal-clear. I wrote about myself with complete honesty — and I explicitly said that I was searching for my “forever love.” Zero ambiguity. Three weeks later, I found him.
ANSWER: To answer this question, I have to take you back to my eight-year-old self…
Picture an uncoordinated, wheezing, asthmatic kid with huge glasses and even HUGER cheeks who hated PE class. I would do ANYTHING to avoid having to run or play basketball or soccer with my classmates. Usually I’d hide in the library and hang out with my imaginary book-character-friends.
Later, as a teenager, my attitude towards exercise changed — but not in a good way. In my teens, exercise wasn’t something I did “for fun” or “to feel good.” It was purely about burning calories. I became unhealthily obsessed with being skinny, and things quickly spiraled into a full-blown eating disorder. I made a full recovery from my eating disorder (thank God) but for many years afterward, I still had a “complicated” relationship with fitness.
In my twenties, I got into modern dance, hula hooping, yoga, and other types of fitness that focus on “expressing yourself” and “feeling amazing” rather than “looking a specific way.” Little by little, I started to appreciate my body instead of battling it.
Today, I’m in my thirties. I run or lift weights — sometimes both — almost every day. I do yoga when I feel like it. I hike in the woods. I push myself to try new, scary things, like rock climbing. I like pushing myself to see how strong I’ve become.
These days, working out isn’t about “shrinking my body.” Instead, my primary reason for working out is to feel healthy, happy, and focused. With every workout, I clear the mental cobwebs out of my brain, and I get a huge surge in my energy levels. It’s like a big “reset” button for my mood — and my day.
It’s taken me a long time to get to this point, but if an asthmatic, socially-awkward kiddo with an intense phobia of being smacked in the face with a soccer ball can learn to love fitness… maybe anybody can.
ANSWER: As a teenager, I had crushes on guys and girls. Mostly girls. But I didn’t really understand my feelings towards girls. I kinda thought “everybody” felt attracted to their female friends, but maybe they just didn’t talk about it?
I didn’t know anybody who was gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. At least, nobody close to my age. I didn’t have any queer role models, or examples of what a queer relationship might look like. Everyone in my immediate family and circle of friends (as far as I knew) was heterosexual. So I just figured I was 100% hetero, too.
Later on — as I entered college, and then the workforce and the arts community — I became exposed to so many different types of people. I found LGBTQ clubs and student groups. I discovered a drag performance troupe. At one of my first jobs, I worked at a huge company and I had numerous gay and lesbian co-workers. I met all kinds of people who didn’t fit into the heterosexual category. The more people I met, and the older I got, the more I began to realize, “I don’t fit into that category, either.”
It took a long time — lots of dating, lots of relationships, one engagement that I broke off, lots of coming out, and coming re-out — before I fully embraced the fact that I’m bisexual.
Not that anybody’s keeping score, but I tend to be much more attracted to women than men, and overall, I’ve dated more women than men. But I’m currently in love with a man and I’m pretty sure we’re going to be together for the rest of our lives. So, you just never know where your heart is going to land. Life can be very surprising.