Everything changes now if you say so.

My friend Kyeli has mermaid scales tattooed on her legs.

She loves daisies and pretty journals and jellybeans and podcasting and her wife Pace.

She is easily one of kindest, silliest, loveliest people that I know.

Which is why it was very difficult for me to visualize mermaid-and-daisy loving Kyeli ripping a phone off the wall, tearing books off the shelves, smashing plates, and (the grand finale) flipping over a couch… in a violent rage.

But that’s exactly what Kyeli was doing in her home — about fifteen-ish years ago — after getting into an argument with her partner.

Because — as Kyeli explained to me over tea and macaroons — Kyeli used to have “a pretty serious temper.” (To put it mildly.)

Growing up, in Kyeli’s family, when you got upset, you didn’t “talk about your feelings.” You yelled. You screamed. You threw things. You broke shit. That’s what Kyeli witnessed as a child, so that’s what she learned to do, too.

On the night of the Couch Flip Incident, as the (literal) dust settled, Kyeli emerged from her angry-hulk-rage and stared at the ravaged room, the broken pieces, the catastrophe that she had created.

And then everything changed.

“Oh my God… what have I done?” she thought to herself. “What if my son had been here to see this? This isn’t the kind of mother and role model that I want to be.”

Her son was only an infant at the time, but she knew that being around this kind of tornado-like anger would be toxic for him, nonetheless. She realized, too, that unless she found a way to manage her emotions in a healthier way, her son was surely going to grow up and succumb to violent outbursts just like she did, just like her elders did, and so on, back through the generations.

Kyeli said to herself:

“Never again.”

And she never, ever threw a tantrum like that… again.

“Never again?” I asked her, incredulous.

“Nope. Never.”

She made her choice. And that was that.

We’re often told — by therapists, coaches and healers — that it can “take a very long time” to change your mindset, to change your behavior, to change your deep-rooted patterns.

I do believe that’s true. Deep transformation is rarely an “overnight” experience. In fact, some might say that it’s a never-ending journey.


What we forget, sometimes, is that…

Transformation begins with a personal CHOICE.

A choice to do better, to seek help, to commit with your whole heart.

A choice that goes into full effect not “tomorrow,” but starting NOW.

A choice that only takes a split-second to make. Boom & done.

A choice that can be permanent and binding. If you mean it.

The same kind of “never again” choice that Kyeli made, standing amidst the rubble of her biggest and last tantrum, ever.

The same kind of choice that you can make, right now.

Maybe it’s being more punctual… being a more attentive listener… being the kind of person who doesn’t flake out on her friends… being the kind of person who exercises every day with gratitude instead of a grimace… being the kind of person who says “I’m going to write my book!” and really does it… or being the kind of business owner who no longer works “for free” and always operates like a pro.

Whatever kind of “upgrade” or “shift” or “turnaround” you yearn to make in your life:

Everything changes now if you say so.