Good Question: What are your favorite sex toys?

Dear Alex,
What are your favorite sex toys?
Also: I never know how to shop for lube. I know the people at the store are helpful and well-meaning, but I just can’t seem to find the right one. WHAT THE HECK.

Dear toy-loving, lube-challenged Ellie,

I feel very grateful today that, somehow, wondrously and quite unexpectedly, my role as a professional copywriter / ghostwriter / columnist / novelist has expanded to include: riffing on my favorite adult toys.

They really didn’t tell me this was going to happen back when I signed up to major in English Literature. If they had, I would have signed up a lot faster.

Because of people like you, Ellie, asking questions like this, I officially have the coolest job on the planet. Truth.

Back to your question(s)…

I am extremely picky when it comes to sex toys. I have a few brands that I love & swear by — and I’m hesitant to expand outside of my comfort zone, so to speak.

It took a lot of experimentation to discover my favs, though, so my first piece of advice for you is: shop around, try a lot, and accept that you’re probably going to invest / spend / waste a bit of money along your quest for the perfect orgasm-booster.

Personally, I absolutely LOVE We-Vibe. Their products are stellar, their website is gorgeous and totally un-sleazy, and their branding makes me swoon. (Yeah: I’m a sucker for clean, elegant design!)

The We-Vibe Touch is my vibrational soulmate. I literally own two of them because I’m panicked about one dying and leaving me bereft and buzz-less.

I recently purchased the We-Vibe 4 Plus, which is a toy that’s designed for couples! Your partner can control the toy using a remote control OR a fancy smartphone app, which would be awesome except that my boyfriend has a cellphone from 1978.

Still, it’s a fun little gadget that you can wear “around town” while your partner innocently flicks the remote to various settings while you’re trying to sample fondue at a crowded bar during a cheese tasting event (not that we’ve EVER done that, or anything.)

I also LOVE products made by Fun Factory, a company based in Germany. I’ve tried the Stronic Eins and also the Stronic Drei. Both have a “pulsating” or “thrusting” movement, not just ordinary vibration, which is… quite fun.

Also, you really can’t go wrong with a Hitachi Magic Wand. A classic! It’s as noisy as a cement mixer and almost as big, but man, it gets the job done.

As for lube, I love UberLube because the packaging is sleek and sexy.

JO Lube is another great brand. ID is nice, too. Very long-lasting and un-sticky.

The nice folks at Good Clean Love make petrochemical and parabens free products with earth-friendly packaging.

My boyfriend insists that “grass-fed butter mixed with spit” is the world’s best lubricant, but on this point, we respectfully disagree. (I am not a toaster waffle, Brandon.)

Now that you’ve got a stockpile of lube to last until the apocalypse, perhaps you need a little erotica to set the mood?

Try: a smutty novel by my friend Linda Mercury, the Crossfire series by Sylvia Day, Kim Anami’s unbelievably hot blog, these raunchy-yet-mostly-tasteful images, or, of course, my erotic novel Milk & Honey (… which you’ll find in my Shop.)

Sex is awesome and so are you.

Be happy and safe.

Enjoy yourself.

I know you will!