10 ways to answer the question, “Can I pick your brain over coffee?”

“Hey! I like what you’re doing in the world. I want to do something like that, too. Could I pick your brain over coffee?”

It’s an innocent inquiry.

It’s driven by a desire to learn, grow and do better.

But for many people, being on the receiving end of this particular question (“Can I pick your brain?”) can create feelings of guilt, stress and resentment.

You want to say “Yes”.

After all, you’re a decent person.

You want to be helpful and share what you know.

But if you say “Yes” to this person, then that means you have to say “Yes” to the next person… and the next… and so on… and soon?

You won’t have any time or energy left to do your own work — or hit your own goals.

Instead, you’ll be running a 24/7 Free Advice Factory for Wayward Souls.

Is there a graceful solution to this predicament?

Yes.

The key is to answer the question you WISH they were asking.

Not the question they are ACTUALLY asking.

Here’s an example:

Let’s say somebody writes to me and says:

Hey Alex! You’ve written some books. I want to write a book, too. Could I pick your brain over coffee?

The question I WISH they were asking is:

Hey Alex! I want to write a book. Could you recommend ONE resource that might help me to get started?

So that’s how I’m going to respond.

Like this:

Hey!
 
Many thanks for writing.
 
It’s wonderful that you want to write a book. Nothing feels better than getting to that final line, on the final page, and knowing, “I did it!”
 
I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, because my schedule is a bit over-full these days, but I want to share a terrific resource with you:
 
It’s a book that I really love called Think Like A Publisher. A must-read for aspiring authors!
 
Also, if you’re looking for a place where you can connect with fellow writers, bounce ideas around and get support, I would recommend checking out this online community.
 
I hope both of these resources are helpful to you.
 
Be well & happy writing!

Notice how I offered some wonderful resources — without saying “Yes!” to the coffee invitation.

Try it out! Here are 10 more variations to help you answer the dreaded “Can I pick your brain?” question… gracefully.

1. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I want to share a resource with you…”
 
2. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I want to share one piece of advice with you…”
 

3. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but if you’d like to book me for some coaching / consulting, here’s how to do that…”

 
4. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but here’s someone else that you should definitely hire…”
 

5. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I’d love to answer your question on my blog / advice column…”
 

6. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but if you make a donation to my favorite charity & forward me the receipt, I’d be happy to answer your three biggest questions via email…”
 

7. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but here’s a blog post that I wrote about this EXACT topic…”
 

8. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but please know that I am rooting for your success. If you give me your mailing address, I’d be happy to pop a little postcard into the mail with some encouraging words…”
 

9. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I have a proposition for you…”

 
10. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I hold a monthly meet-up right here in our fair city. Come on by, if you like. I’d love to connect with you then & there.”

(Obviously, you don’t literally have to say “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation” in every instance — that part is often implied.)

And that’s it!

When somebody asks you to do something you don’t want to do (like give free advice over coffee), try to answer the question you WISH they were asking.

Offer something valuable and helpful — just not the exact thing they’re requesting.

This protects your time and energy, while still allowing you to be gracious and generous.

Everybody wins.

Their heart is happy and full.

And your brain… can go mercifully un-picked.