Kindness is not a joke.


“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” –Plato


“Hey Nick. You OK?” I asked.

I could tell by the sound of his voice on the phone that… he wasn’t.

“Not really,” he said. “I have cancer.”




“I’m cutting way back on my clients right now,” he continued, as my brain went into shock. “Treatment is going to be tough, and I only want to surround myself with people who are super positive. People who will lift me up. Help me get better. You know?”

I thought about Nick’s words for days.

He reminded me that …

Being positive can, literally, help save a life.

And that…

Being negative can, literally, shorten a life.

Your attitude, your energy, the way you treat people …

It can be a healing balm or a deadly weapon.

It’s so easy to be careless with your words and your actions. So easy to avoid eye contact. Avoid heart contact. Check out. Detach. Be cold. Short-tempered. Or bitter.

I do it. We all do.


You never know who is fighting cancer. You never know who is about to find out that they have cancer. You never know who is getting a divorce. Or grieving an unspeakable loss. You never know who just lost her job. You never know who woke up this morning wondering if there’s really any reason to keep living. You never know who is desperately aching for an encouraging word, a smile, a moment of human connection — from anyone. From you.

You just never know.

So, be positive.

Or as Nick would say, “super positive.”

Be patient. Be kind.

Kinder than necessary.

Kindness is not a joke.

Kindness is what keeps us alive.



Don’t know what to write in your online dating profile? Try this.


Delving into the world of online dating?

Struggling to craft a profile + tell your story — without rambling on for an eternity?

Here’s a series of fill-in-the-blank statements to help you craft a witty, playful, not-too-long dating profile.

Because brevity is sexy.

And love is the best.


. . .


A little about me.

I think every morning should begin with __________________, and every evening should end with __________________.

I feel proud of myself when __________________, and I feel annoyed at myself when __________________. (I’m working on that.)

I think __________________ is really important, but I think everyone should chill out about __________________.

If you were to peek inside my fridge right now, you would find __________________.

My number one priority, at least for the moment, is __________________.

If there’s one thing I’m really, really good at, it’s __________________.

When I think about being in a relationship with someone new, I feel __________________ and I get so excited about the possibility of __________________. (I am ready for big-time love… and I hope you are, too.)

If we go on a date, you can expect __________________.

And please don’t freak out if I __________________. (It just means… I like you.)

If you write to me, I want to know: [insert intriguing question here].

. . .


Happy writing. Happy dating.

Here’s to love… in every flavor.


PS. If you enjoyed this piece, you might also like…

: How to ask someone on a date.

: 10 of the best first date questions… possibly ever.

: How to write a ridiculously sexy (but totally classy) note to your sweetheart.

: 10 sexy, dorky + adorable ways to show your love on Valentine’s Day. (Or: any day.)

: And … this. Enjoy.


The simple, sexy truth about how to “get booked” and “sell stuff.”


Lots of people ask me questions like:


“Got any tips on how to land new clients when you’re self-employed?”

“How can I get people to hire me — and build up a big waiting list, like you?”

“How did you sell out your workshop tour so fast? Did you advertise somewhere, or…?”


These are perfectly reasonable questions …

… with a very simple, sexy answer:


Be really good at what you do.

So good, that people can’t help but talk about you.


That’s it.


You don’t need a complicated marketing funnel.

You don’t need to pay big bucks for advertising.

You don’t need to seduce people onto your mailing list.

None of those things are “bad” or “wrong,” of course. If that’s what floats your boat, go for it.


But at the end of the day, all that really matters is… do you create miracles for people, or not?


I am not trying to be self-congratulatory, here, nor do I consider myself to be a “business” expert, by any stretch of the imagination.

But I am speaking from hard-won experience. And I can tell you this:

In the early days of my business, I spent a LOT of time fiddling about with “contests” and “scholarships” and “discounts” and “free consultations” and “special offers” and all kinds of riff-raff, in a desperate effort to get booked.

God only knows how many anxious hours I spent, fretting about how to woo clients into my world. (“Why won’t they just hiiiire me already?”)

Looking back, all I can say is this:

Instead of fretting and doing weird marketing-ish gimmicks, I sure wish I had spent all of those hours serving people… creating art… and actually making an effort to become better at my work.

If I had done that, I suspect that my first couple of years of self-employed-ness would have been a lot smoother, a lot more rewarding, and ironically, a lot more profitable.

So basically, what I’m saying is this:


Focus on becoming excellent at your craft, whatever your craft may be.


And before long, you will find that you just… start… getting… booked. Naturally.

(How’s that for simple + sexy?)



PS. What’s one thing you could do — today — to become a little good-er at what you do?

(So that people can’t help but talk about you?)


How to ask someone on a date.


Got a crush on someone?

Do you day-dreamily scribble his name in your diary with hearts and shooting stars all around it?

Do you blush every time you walk into the local coffee shop, and — gulp! — there she is?

You should probably ask that person on a date. Like, today.

This script will help you … figure out what to say.



. . .


Hey [name],

I think you are wonderful and I’d like to take you out on a date.

If you’d like to go out with me, hooray! I will do a happy cartwheel inside my heart.

If you don’t want to go out with me, guess what? Not a problem. I won’t be offended, and I will continue to think that you are amazing.

If you’re on the fence about going out with me, allow me to tempt you with promises of [describe a fun activity] and excellent snacks, such as [describe something delicious] and [one more delicious thing].

Let me know.

[your name here]

PS. My favorite thing about you, right this moment? The fact that you [describe something they do that makes you smile].

Oh, and also your [heart / mind / eyes / soul / whatever you adore about them, most].




Read More creativity // inspiration devotion // liberty

Why I don’t do … all the things I don’t do.


When you write + work in a relatively “public” way, as I do, people inevitably become curious about you.

I certainly get curious about folks that I see, online + out in the world. (Why did she choose that? What made him go that direction? Are those her real eyelashes? And whatnot.)

People often ask me why I don’t use Facebook, for example. Or why I recently decided to take a hiatus from Twitter. Or why I don’t feature paid sponsors on my blog, like I used to.

I’ve decided to explain why I don’t do … all the things I don’t do. Right here. In one fell swoop.

I hope that my explanations will make you giggle, and inspire you to consider why you do all the things that you do — and if you really need to.

Without further ado …


Why I don’t do …



Because I’d rather be having sex.


Twitter. (For now. Maybe forever.)

Because I’d rather be having sex.


Any other social media.

Because I’d rather be having sex.


Affiliate marketing. (Anymore.)

Because it makes me never want to have sex. (Boner-killer.)


Paid sponsors on my blog. (Anymore.)

Because it just didn’t feel right in my hut. (Heart + gut.)


Complicated product launches.

Because frankly, I don’t release “products” very often. And when I do, I like to keep it simple.

A note on my website. A note to the nice folks on my mailing list. One or two reminders (“Hey, it’s here!”). And … done. That’s enough. People buy, or they won’t. People keep buying, or they don’t.

Word of mouth has always been my strongest source of product sales, client bookings, workshop registrations … everything.

If the mouths aren’t making words, there’s not much I can do to force the words to come out. (Not much that feels good, anyway.)


A big “meet-up” whenever I’m visiting a new city.

Because … sometimes, I just want to eat tater tots alone in my hotel room while listening to Groove Armada, you know?



I bought an ad, one time. It ran on a comedy podcast, and the hosts of the show made fun of me for about thirty seconds and vaguely threatened to sue me (as a joke, of course). It was hilarious. I felt like a star.

I bought the ad because I wanted to support the show + send them some dollars, as a “thank you” for giving me hundreds of hours of laughter in the past. Not because I particularly cared about promoting the product in question.

In retrospect, I may not understand what advertising is supposed to be.


Telesummits, videosummits, hologramsummits, etc.

I used to do them. Lots.

But then I thought, “I never actually listen to these. Why would I want to help create something that I wouldn’t ever … even … use?”

Oh, and … I’d rather be having sex.



I always raise an eyebrow when people start slashing their rates or creating limited-time offers, for no particular reason.

I like my rates like I like my sense of self-worth — unshakable and steadily rising.


Business cards.

I think scribbling my website address on a napkin — with a heart! — is cuter.

Also, I ran out of cards a few years ago and never re-ordered.



Weird things to seduce people onto my mailing list.

I am honored whenever someone invites me to pop into their inbox, for any reason.

I figure, folks want to be on my mailing list … because they want to be on my mailing list.

I try to keep them happy, with a weekly-ish dose of inspiration, writing tips + scripts for life, love + business scenarios.

I give them worksheets. I give them tools. (But I basically give all of the same stuff to the folks who visit my website, too.)

There’s no “secret grotto” that people sashay into, once they step onto my mailing list. It’s just one of two channels that folks can use, if they want to receive the “stuff” that I create. Nothing more.


Instant, right-away responses to emails.

Because I believe that it’s important to teach people how to treat you — which includes how to communicate with you.

I value gracefulness, kindness and sane, humane expectations.

I try to model the type of behavior that I’d like to see in the world.

Which means that I generally don’t answer emails immediately, and I’m perfectly fine with somebody taking their sweet time to answer mine. (Patience is hot.)



I’ve tried a lot of things in my life. Like flying helicopters. And doing juice cleanses. And working in public radio. And trying to be a resume designer (oh, lord…)

Oh, also, for six years I was convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was a lesbian who would never-ever-ever-ever be attracted to a man, ever. (My boyfriend finds this quite amusing. So do I.)

What I’ve come to realize is that beliefs and desires can — and do — change. All the time. And that’s OK.

Knowing this, I try, very hard, not to speak in absolutes.

I am a “never say never” kinda gal. I like the color gray.

But I’ve also come to realize that the more you strip down your writing, your work and your world … the more you realize how much you don’t need to do.

Except to be nice, be helpful, and create little miracles for people.

And that …

I can + will do.

(And so can you.)




PS. What are you ready to NOT do, anymore?