Good Question: How can I protect my energy when I’m living with a partner who sees “problems” and “darkness” everywhere?
I have a man that I adore, and I’m so blessed.
But here’s the issue:
He watches the news 24/7, while I prefer to listen to classical music.
He is really emotionally involved in all the injustice in the world, while I choose to focus on what is going RIGHT rather than all that is going wrong.
I don’t want to change my sweet dude, because I respect who he is and I understand his passion.
But I want to learn how to protect my energy and stay “in the light” while living side by side with a hunky news junkie.
Your question gripped me by the heart, because… I’ve been there.
I spent several years in a relationship with a man who did not share my exact worldview.
In fact, we were polar opposites, in many ways.
I saw business possibilities everywhere — he saw a system that oppresses workers and makes it difficult to flourish.
I saw nice people who want to help out — he saw selfish people, only looking out for themselves.
I saw a glamorous plane trip to NYC — he saw carbon emissions, wrecking our planet.
And so on.
There were days where I wanted to shake him and say, “Brighten up, already! Life is meant to be enjoyed!”
And there were days, I’m sure, where he wanted to shake me and say, “Open your goddamn eyes! Not everyone is as privileged as you!”
Neither of us were completely “right.” Neither of us were totally “wrong.”
And, for a time, we were very much in love.
How did we make it work?
By finding a peaceful equilibrium.
A place “in the middle” where we could co-exist.
He would vent his frustration about the latest global crisis. Then, to create balance, I’d say, “Tell me three things you’re grateful for.” (Or just remind myself, quietly, internally: “What he’s saying is true. But there are good, kind and generous people, too.”)
In the end, we weren’t meant to be together, forever. But for a while… this equilibrium worked.
My advice for you, Jeannette, is to find that kind of equilibrium with your husband, if you possibly can.
This might entail setting some new ground rules that both of you can agree upon.
1. No matter what happened today, we ALWAYS end the night on a positive note — by sharing one thing we’re grateful for and saying “I love you,” before bed.
2. News coverage is not permitted in the house after 8pm, because it disrupts our quality time and sleep. (We need to get good sleep, in order to have the energy to fight the good fight.)
3. The first Sunday of every month is Happy Day. From sunup to sundown, conversations about global epidemics are not permitted. But amazing sex totally… is.
I completely believe that you & your husband can strike a healthy balance, Jeannette. Especially because you clearly adore him (and I’m sure he’s bonkers about you, too.)
Together, you can be like the sun & the moon. Lightness & darkness.
Opposite powers, yet both equally necessary.
Working, together, for a better union…
… and a better world.
“Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” –Rumi
Do YOU have a friend or sweetheart whose worldview is radically different from your own? How do you deal with it?