13 tragically overlooked branding opportunities for life coaches.

One week ago . . .

I posted 8 things I’ve learned about life, the universe & everything — from 80+ life coaches.

And then I got to thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know) about all the overlooked niches & missed opportunities for aspiring coaches.

Everyone needs a ‘hook’, right? A zingy core of uniquity that really sets ‘em apart from the squabbling masses? So why become just another Life Coach (ho, hum) when you could become . . . an Eternal Life Coach? Or a D&D (Martha Beck-certified) Dungeon Master Coach? Now we’re talking! HA!

If you’re on the prowl for an unmistakable angle for your coaching business, feel free to pluck one of these ideas. And feel free to send me 15% of your annual profits. PayPal is fine.

Instead of becoming a LIFE COACH, why not become a . . .

1. Basic Life Skills Coach. Mentor your clients in the delicate arts of changing a tire, cleaning a mucky stove, filing taxes in a timely fashion, and writing prompt thank you notes! Foster a generation of bonafide grown ups! Change the world, one properly-separated laundry basket at a time!

2. Mediocrity Life Coach. Take your life from ‘fairly awful’ to ‘pretty OK’, in just twelve moderately action-packed weeks! And discover that (almost) anything is possible, when you (sort of) believe in yourself!

3. Life Coach for Life Coach’s Life Coaches. Why coach ‘civilians’, when you could go straight to real source of social change: as a life coach for other life coach’s life coaches!

4. Reality-check Coach. For starry-eyed clients who’ve been thoroughly overpumped by overeager coaches, and need to be reminded that you can’t actually quit your job & start a community-funded unicorn sanctuary, glitter grotto & candyfloss atelier. With actual unicorns.

5. Gothic Life Coach. Not everyone wants ebullient pep talks & actionable to-do’s & accountability check-points! Perhaps your ideal clients would be better served by Edgar Allen Poe quotations, despondent musings, and a poetic grasp on the frailty & futility of life.

6. Second Life Coach. See also: World of Warcraft Guild Coach, Live-Action-Role-Playing Coach, Dungeons & Dragons (Martha Beck-certified) Dungeon Master Coach.

7. The Facts of Life Coach. For people’s whose slacker parents never sat them down to ‘splain the birds & the bees.

8. Eternal Life Coach. Teen vampires have self-esteem obstacles, too! Also: trendy!

9. ‘Such is Life!’ Coach. No goal-setting. No milestones. No results-driven mind-shifting methodology. Just plenty of ennui, weary sighs & exasperation. Defeatism is the new Fulfillment! C’est la vie!

10. Born Again Life Coach. Fairly self-explanatory.

11. Catchphrase Coach. “BAM!” “Book ‘em, Danno” “Danger, Will Robinson” “Tastes great! Less filling!” If you don’t have a signature catchphrase to anchor your life & career strategy, do you really have a snowball’s chance in hell? At anything?

12. Hypothetical Relationship Coach. Relationships are complicated. But d’you know what’s even more complicated? Hypothetical relationships — like your relationship with the cute girl on the bus who may or may not have given you a ‘knowing’ glance, last Tuesday. Or the Twitter follower who’s unusual exclamation point (!) may or may not have been meant in a flirtatious fashion. So many variables! Clarity, please!

13. Slice of Life! Coachery & Artisan Bakery. Combine your twin passions for personal development & gourmet pastry preparation in a thriving local business! Swing by for a radical life design session — with a warm almond croissant! (Side-note: this idea is actually pretty awesome. Somebody do it. Please.)